Writing Task Feedback of Binamra Dahal

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The chart illustrates the pattern of purchases made on various kind (kinds) of electronic based (electronic-based) games which was (that were) made between 2002 and 2006 (you have missed a keyword and that is global). There are specifically four kinds of games depicted which are namely, mobile phone, online, console (,) and handheld games with handheld being the most popular (this is an explanation for a static graph, while you explain a dynamic graph like above, you should be talking about the time frame too). (Task 1 question tells you to summarize and report the main features so I suggest doing it in a separate paragraph)

Better If: The illustrated chart (Passive Voice) depicts the sales of four different kinds of electronic games in the international market between 2000 and 2006.

Overall (indication of your summarization), it is clear that except for the console game, the popularity of other games in the group was increasing over the period. (reporting the trends and exceptions without being specific)

The online (Online) phone games soars (soar) up in significant(a significant) manner from 2000 to 2006, with no sales at the beginning and gradual (a gradual) increase with(over) the time period with (to) almost 8 billion dollars in 2006. (Why choose mobile games as your first explanation?, better start with handheld games ). Following the (a) similar trend of pattern (Similarly), mobile games had no utilization (wrong word choice) at the beginning where (when) the trend started from (in) 2002, where the purchase was from 1 billion dollar(dollars). The trend of mobile game (games) gradually increased from 2002 to rise upto (up to) 7 billion in 2006.

We can also observe the existing console games and handheld games pattern, where the console games have been declined in sales pattern from 2000 to 2006 from 6 billion dollars to 3 billion dollars. In (a) similar (a similar) pattern, a gradual increment till 2004 is noted in the handheld games where the purchase remained stagnant in 2005 and spiked of in 2006 to 18 billion dollars.

Better If: As presented, the global sales of handheld games dominate the market experiencing a slight growth over the given timeframe (Explaining the trend first). Its (Pronoun referencing) trade almost doubles (by how much) from 10 billion in 2000 to 18 billion in 2008 (Backed up by the data). Following this, online games become the next most popular. Despite the fact of being recorded first only in 2002 at around 2 billion, the sale grew, and in 2006, it hit almost $9 billion. Similarly, the sale of mobile phone games ranged from $3 billion in 2002 to $7 billion in just four years.

However, the global market witnessed a significant drop in the sale of console games, and this was half as much as in 2003, from approximately $6 billion in 2000 it shrank to under $3 billion in 2006.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *