Writing Correction; Task 1, Band 6: Export Earning in 2015 and 2016 IELTS

By S. Subedi

The given chart illustrates the value of one country’s export in various categories during two years 2015 and 2016 similarly given table clarifies the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. $ billion is used as a unit in export earnings where percentage is used for showing differences in 2016 compared with 2015.

Firstly, petroleum products were highly exported in both year 2015 and 2016. 60 billion petroleum products were exported in 2015 where as above 60 billion petroleum products were sold in 2016. Export rate was increased by 3% from 2015 to 2016. Where petroleum and engineered goods export

Secondly, in 2016 exporting of engineered goods was nearly 60 billion and its percentage was lifted up by 8.5 percentage in 2016. Gems and jewelry was accounted slightly above 40 billion in 2015. However, fluctuation was observed in 2016 by 5.18%. In addition, gems and jeweler’s exported rate was only to get drop compared to others.

Furthermore, Agricultural products exported was calculated to be 30 billion $ in 2015and its rate was uplifted.

Conversely, exporting the textile was least among others. It was recorded slightly below 30% but surprisingly it increased by 15.24% in 2016.

Examiners Comment: –

Task Achievement 5.5

  • Above 150 words
  • Answers all parts of the question
  • Paraphrased Introduction
  • Presents a clear and concise Overview
  • Presents relevant ideas concisely
  • Shows a correlation between ideas

Coherence and Cohesion 6.0

  • Structures the answer in a logical paragraph
  • One idea per paragraph
  • Shows trend first and Supports ideas with relevant, specific examples
  • Varies Linking words and uses accurately
  • Uses referencing technique

Lexical Resources 6.0

  • Uses synonyms and varies the word formation
  • Uses less common vocabulary
  • Use of collocation
  • Use of prefabricated word formats
  • Use of compound words

Grammatical Range and Accuracy 6.5

  • Verities of simple, compound, and complex sentence structure
  • Use of passive voice
  • Use of adjectives and adverbs
  • Use of Qualifiers and Quantifiers
  • Use of Emphatic sentence structure
  • Accurate use of grammar structure

Sample Answer Band 8

Clear and Concise Introduction: The given bar graph and table depict (less common) the income from international trade(synonym) of a country divided into five product categories in 2015 and 2016, and the nature of change over the same period(referencing 2015 and 2016 without repeting).

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Overview:- While petroleum products were reported to have a record-high earning (Collocation) in both years, they accounted(less common word) only a fractional value change (less common). Conversely(showing negative corelation), the opposite was true (referencing the first sentence instead of repeating again) for textiles.

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Body paragraph 1:- Diving deep,(prefabricated sentence structure) foreign sales (Synonyms) of all categories seems to be exceeding in 2016 compared to 2015, except for the one (Complex sentence)(Main ideaexplaining the trend first). A rough 60 billion of sales in 2015 from Petroleum and engineered goods rose to 65(increased to how much) in 2016(Data to support the trend) . Also (Positive Corelation), the trade of Agriculture products and textiles, reportedly the lowest among the categories, experience a slight growth (collocation) by 3 and 5 units (increased by how much?) respectively in the next year(referencing). Contrastingly (Negative corelation), revenue from jems and jewelry deviates(less common) the trend and falls by some minor(adjective) units in the following year (synonym for 2016).

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From 2015 to 2016 (mention numbers at the begining/end of the sentence), when it comes to the nature of change that each categories were exposed to, textiles leave others far behind by recording 15.24% growth followed by engineered goods, petroleum, and agri products. Jems and Jewellery, however, suffered a 5.18% decline.

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