Essay Correction: Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility while for others they are external factors

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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:

Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility while others feel that there are important external factors.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Response (335 words) : Abhisekh Lamsal: Band 7.5
Happiness can be influenced by both internal and external factors. Many believe it is a personal business matter to manage one’s own emotions including joys, happiness, while, others hold a the different differing view that there are various more important other external elements affecting personal feelings. This essay will discuss both views and ultimately state that it is the individual’s personal mindset that serves as the primary driver for one’s happiness.

Although happiness is a subjective by definition, there it is a reasonable assumption to claim that one’s emotion is often affected by the surrounding environment. People express their emotions, such as joys, anger, and satisfactions etcand so on, as their spontaneous responses to the experience they are receiveing. Based Extrapolating from this sameon the same basic theory, many large corporations have advocated strongly to promote a positive team culture in order to improve team morale and increase contribute to their employees’ happiness level. On this basis, it is reasonable to consider claim that one’s happiness is influenced largely by the external factors.

Nevertheless, whether the individual could can achieve a desired level of joys is almost entirely determined by a personal mindset. A resilient and optimistic mind would is always be able to feel happy regardless of how challenging the current situation could beis. By contrast, a pessimistic attitude would tends to be rather reserved passive and might fail to recognise the signs of positivity in any given situation. An interesting medical research study has revealed that patients who are undertaking oncology treatments can often display completely different emotions despite going
through the same treatment and physically suffering from very similar medication medical sideeffects. Those who own display a more optimistic mindset about their recovery are expressly happier. Therefore, happiness is a the personal ability to see beyond the current circumstance and hold firmly to a strong internal belief for the future internally.

In summary, happiness, as an kind of emotion, can be affected by both internal and external factors for an individualdepending on the individual. This essay has discussed the degree of impact from both aspects and drew has drawn thea conclusion that it is the individual’s own mindset that determinesing whether one would can achieve the desired level of happiness in the end.
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Good length on this one!
Task achievement: 8
Cohesion/Coherence: 7
Vocabulary: 8
Grammar: 7

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