Answer by: Suman Khatri The question whether art education is necessary for children at school has drawn much attention from the public. While some people argue that teaching art subjects is a waste of time, I believe that it is significant for children to learn art-related subjects.
At the outset, it is thought by a handful of people that art education at school is a waste of time. There are more important subjects that would benefit children for their future life. Science, technology and mathematics, for example, are of great significant subjects which allows students to find a good job after graduation. On the other hand, studying arts does not lead to a successful career. It is easy to see that those days, most artists have been struggling to make a living from selling their work of art.
Despite the above arguments, from my perspective, learning art is necessary for students at school because of some radical reasons. Firstly, art subjects including music, drawing, painting and sculpture allow children to enter a state of relaxation. After concentration on STEM subjects, what learners need is to unwind by usefully physical activities in order to make a balance. For instance, singing a song in the musical class could bring positive emotion to students. Secondly, studying art could improve performance in other subjects. It is true that art enhances fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination and problem-solving skills which may assists children in attaining better learning outcomes.
In conclusion, although several individuals claim that it is a waste of time for art education, it seems to me that having access to art classes is essential for children.
The essay provided presents an analysis of the discussion on whether art should be considered an essential subject for children at school or whether it is a waste of time. Here is an in-depth evaluation of the essay, its strengths, and areas for improvement:
The essay opens with a somewhat formulaic sentence: “The question whether art education is necessary for children at school has drawn much attention from the public.” While it does introduce the topic, it could be more engaging by providing a “hook” to immediately grab the reader’s attention. Instead of using a memorized phrase like “drawn much attention from the public,” it would be more effective to introduce the topic with an interesting perspective or a real-world observation related to the importance of art in schools. The thesis statement, which states that art is important for children, is clear but lacks depth and could be more persuasive.
Task Response (Score: 6)
The writer addresses both sides of the argument, discussing why some consider art a waste of time and others view it as essential. However, while both views are presented, the arguments in favor of art education lack strong development and convincing examples. For instance, the point about art helping students relax is drawn out, but other benefits of art education, such as creativity, critical thinking, and cultural appreciation, are not well explored. The response also lacks evidence or specific examples to substantiate the claim that art education improves performance in other subjects.
The argument against art education also appears weak and oversimplified. The writer claims that “studying arts does not lead to a successful career”, which is an overgeneralization. This bold statement may alienate readers who know successful artists or are aware of diverse career opportunities in the arts.
Coherence and Cohesion (Score: 6)
The essay is coherent, and ideas flow logically from one point to another. However, the cohesion between sentences can feel mechanical at times, especially with phrases like “At the outset” and “Despite the above arguments.” These transitions feel forced and don’t add much to the flow of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are also somewhat disjointed from the body of the essay. While the writer restates their opinion in the conclusion, there is no strong tie between the arguments presented and the final judgment.
Additionally, the paragraph about art helping students relax could have been more concise, allowing more space to discuss other benefits of art education.
Lexical Resource (Score: 6)
The writer uses a fairly adequate range of vocabulary, including terms like “fine motor skills”, “hand-eye coordination”, and “problem-solving skills.” However, there are also inappropriate word choices that affect the clarity and tone of the essay. For instance, “radical reasons” should be replaced with “fundamental reasons,” and the phrase “enter a state of relaxation” is overly formal and unnecessary.
Additionally, there are a few minor grammatical errors, such as “which may assists children” and “usefully physical activities”, that detract from the overall impression of fluency and accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Score: 6)
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are still errors in grammar and sentence structure. Some errors, like inconsistent subject-verb agreement (“which may assists”) and awkward phrasing (“in order to make a balance”) weaken the argument. Furthermore, the overuse of certain structures, like “in order to”, makes the essay sound less natural.
Overall Evaluation:
While the writer has a clear stance on the issue, the arguments lack sufficient development and depth. To improve, the writer should:
- Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the benefits of art education, such as research or real-world examples.
- Avoid overgeneralizations and provide a more nuanced discussion of the disadvantages of art education.
- Use more natural and varied transition phrases to improve cohesion.
- Strengthen the conclusion by reinforcing how the arguments presented throughout the essay support the final opinion.
With improvements in vocabulary precision, more balanced arguments, and better development of ideas, this essay could easily achieve a higher band score.
