The graph compares the number of visits to two new music websites.

Band 9 Model Answer

The line graph compares the number of visits, measured in thousands, to two new music websites—Pop Parade and Music Choice—over a 15-day period.

Overall, Pop Parade consistently attracted more visitors than Music Choice throughout the period, exhibiting notable peaks, whereas Music Choice’s visitor numbers fluctuated without substantial surges.

Pop Parade began with approximately 120,000 visits on Day 1, significantly surpassing Music Choice. Between Days 2 and 3, Pop Parade maintained a steady visitor count, while Music Choice experienced a sharp decline from 40,000 to 20,000 visits. Both websites saw fluctuations until Day 9, when Pop Parade’s visits surged dramatically. Although there was a decline on Days 12 and 13, visits peaked again at over 160,000 on the final day. In contrast, Music Choice reached its highest daily visits of just over 120,000 on Day 14, before falling to around 70,000 on Day 15.

In conclusion, Pop Parade consistently outperformed Music Choice in attracting visitors, with significant increases on Days 11 and 15. Music Choice, however, experienced more volatility and finished with considerably fewer visits.

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Examiner’s Comments & Breakdown

Task Achievement

• Strengths:
  • All key data points covered with specific figures and dates.
  • Clear comparison between the two websites throughout the period.
  • Effective summary in conclusion that restates main findings.
• Tip: Use exact figures to support comparisons, as done here.

Coherence and Cohesion

• Strengths:
  • Logical paragraph structure with a clear introduction, detailed body, and conclusion.
  • Smooth use of linking phrases (“Overall,” “In contrast,” “In conclusion”).
• Tip: Keep information grouped logically (intro/overview, details, summary).

Lexical Resource

• Strengths:
  • Wide range of vocabulary related to trends (“fluctuations,” “surged dramatically,” “peaked,” “decline,” “volatility”).
  • Good use of comparative and superlative forms (“consistently attracted more,” “significantly surpassing,” “highest daily visits”).
• Tip: Avoid repetition by varying phrases for ‘increase’ and ‘decrease’.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

• Strengths:
  • Mix of complex and simple sentence structures with correct punctuation.
  • Accurate use of tenses to describe past events.
• Tip: Ensure sentence variety for natural flow and clarity.