Evaluating it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? 

In the individual’s professional and non professional life, taking a risk is vital. The risk taker explores more and gets faster growth, but sometimes it may cause demotivation. Hence, I think people have much more merits of taking risks compared to its demerits. The person who wants thrill in life can experience more things. Exploring gives opportunities to enhance the knowledge and ideas to tackle the different situations in the various circumstances. For instance, the solo traveler has the capacity to adapt to the culture of any place so that they can survive anywhere in the world. Similarly, who embrace challenges gets more opportunities in their worklife, that leads their quicker growth. For example, one of friend Rita, is unstoppable, that girl has no fear at all. Last year, she asked for better increment, but boss denied, she immediately resigned and came home. She explores many job portals within a week then she got selected for the position with 2 times more payments than her previous job. While her ex-coworkers are working for same company with just a 2% of yearly increment. In other hands, in few circumstances, individual can face negative result while taking risk. Mostly risk takers are highly confident and forget to think of how to cope with bad results that lead them to feel frustration. For example, my brother is very talented at football and since childhood he has not lost any games. But, in his last game result was not in his favor that broke him totally, and he did not came out from his room for last almost tweeks. In conclusion, risk taking has more benefits than its drawbacks. People should experience as much as they can rather than bounded in the same place or things. By: M. Dhami (Nepal)

1. Scoring the Essay

Overall Estimated Band: 6.0

Your essay shows good ideas and clear opinion, but it falls short of Band 7 mainly due to language accuracy and development issues, not because of weak thinking.

Task Response – Band 7

What you do well

• You clearly answer the question.
• Your opinion is consistent: advantages outweigh disadvantages.
• Examples are relevant and realistic.

What limits the score

• Some ideas are vague or repetitive (e.g. “explores more”, “experience more things”).
• Explanations sometimes stop too early and rely on the example alone.

Coherence & Cohesion – Band 6

Strengths

• Logical paragraph structure.
• Clear progression: advantages → disadvantages → conclusion.

Problems

• Weak or incorrect linking phrases:
  • “In other hands” ❌
• Some sentences are too long and unclear.
• Informal storytelling reduces academic tone.

Lexical Resource – Band 6

Strengths

• Attempts to use varied vocabulary.
• Topic-related words are appropriate.

Issues

• Frequent word choice and form errors:
  • demotivation → discouragement
  • 2 times more payments → twice the salary
  • worklife → work life
• Repetition of basic words (things, more, better).

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Grammar Range & Accuracy – Band 5.5

This is the main weakness.

Common issues:

• Article misuse (one of friend)
• Verb tense errors (did not came)
• Sentence fragments and run-ons
• Subject–verb agreement errors

Errors occur often enough to affect clarity, which caps the score below Band 7.

Key Reason It’s Not Band 7 Yet

Your ideas are Band 7 level, but grammar control and clarity are not consistent enough. Once accuracy improves, this kind of content can easily score higher.

2. Rewritten Band 7 Model Answer

Band 7 Version

Taking risks plays an important role in both professional and personal life. While risk-taking can sometimes lead to failure or disappointment, I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages because it encourages growth, learning, and better opportunities.

One major benefit of taking risks is personal development. When people step out of their comfort zone, they gain new experiences and improve their ability to handle unfamiliar situations. For example, solo travelers take personal risks by visiting new places alone, which helps them become more adaptable and confident. Similarly, in professional life, individuals who accept challenges often progress faster. One of my friends resigned from her job after being denied a salary increase and searched for new opportunities. Within a short time, she secured a position with a much higher salary, while her former colleagues remained in the same role with minimal growth.

However, risk-taking also has certain disadvantages. Some people become overconfident and fail to prepare themselves for possible negative outcomes. This can lead to emotional stress and frustration. For instance, my brother was very successful in football during his school years, but after losing an important match, he struggled to cope with failure and became demotivated for a long period. This shows that taking risks without emotional readiness can be harmful.

In conclusion, although taking risks may sometimes result in disappointment, it offers more benefits than drawbacks overall. Risk-taking promotes growth, confidence, and opportunity, making it an essential part of achieving success in life.